How do I? Pregnancy/ Baby Advice I haven't heard yet

Today I am 24 weeks pregnant, and I got to thinking about the pregnancy and baby advice no one tells you. So here are my lasting questions:

How do I tie my shoes, much less keep my toe nails pretty (to offset my swollen cankles, of course)?

How do I become a billionaire, so I can afford everything my baby "needs"? Ex: the "best stroller" for baby:

This one from 4moms.com is 850$. Better be self propelled with a jet pack!

How do I know if in 7th grade my kid won't be made fun of for not being named after a geographic direction, or fruit?

How do I figure out how to know everything? Bradley Method? Heimlich?

I'll let you know if I figure everything out one of these days :)